Tuesday, April 21, 2009


All Purpose O-pology

From American Digest:

TO: White House Staff
FROM: David Axelrod

RE: Standard O-Pology Policy [For immediate release to loyalists]

The continuing strain on our beloved President Obama of His world-girdling apology tour is beginning to show on our Commander-in-Chief. In addition, even with several hundred more aides in the White House than his predecessors, the effort of crafting new craven and groveling statements is beginning to tax even those resources. In the interest of a more efficient government, our beloved President today signed off on the following document which will be used henceforth for all state occasions.

All Purpose O-pology

I, [SAY YOUR NAME AND TITLE], come to [NAME EVENT / COUNTRY / MEDIA OPPORTUNITY / CHANCE ENCOUNTER] today as the very first penitent, conscience-stricken, regretful and contrite American President. Speaking as the one and only unifying voice for My country, I beg your indulgence to say that all Americans now share the pain our very existence causes you and we deeply regret it. We repent of our lives, our freedom, and our prosperity with every shred of our American soul. Hear now our eternal confession of sin and error.

The rest of the post is equally sad and funny. Sadly funny. I swear Obambi is actively trying to supplant Jimmy Carter as "Worst President Ever." I'm already longing for the good ole days of the Bush presidency - urkh.


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